But He Loves Me
“But he loves me; I know he does.”
A phrase echoed around the world like a rocket ship breaking the atmosphere.
It’s loud, has oomph, and is full of heart. And it should be—as it’s the very thing that’s kept many holding on. Crumb after crumb. I know it well; I have been there, and I have nothing but compassion for it. It’s a line more than any other in a breakup conversation. Sometimes, it’s years after it ended—the situation was so intense it offered just enough hope to keep them hanging on. Some argue with me. They will defend the relationship with all they've got as if it's not even up for debate. But here we are…debating. And here’s the thing: I’m not disagreeing.
They’re right. That person does love them.
It’s just not enough.
Here’s why.
Everyone loves to the extent they’re capable of loving.
Love is directly tied to the love a person has inside. Yeah, yeah—you’ve heard this before, right? But here’s the thing: it’s true. If you’ve got ten water glasses in front of you and only one is filled, sure, you’ll get some water if you sip slowly. But once it’s gone? You’re left dehydrated.
Most people love someone or something. We’re not talking about serial killers or sociopaths here (though plenty of them have loved their moms, dogs, and kids, too, right?). We’re talking about your person—they do love. They’re in the world loving things (their job, family, you, etc.). So yeah, what you’re feeling is real…they’re a lover.
But it's just not equal to the love you’re giving.
Ugh. It’s hard to look at.
Let’s bring back the water glasses. You’ve got eight glasses filled, and your person? They’ve got one. This is not an equal distribution of love. You need all eight glasses to reach your daily water quota. They have barely enough to keep themselves going. You’ll always feel the desire for more, more, more.
"But they’ll come around…”
Have they yet?
Serious question. Have they ever come around in a healthy, loving way?
Maybe they’re abusive but come back swinging with an apology stronger than Babe Ruth’s home run hits. Of course, they didn’t mean it—if only you hadn’t done that thing you always do.
Or maybe they’re so attentive and passionate when they’re with you that you feel like the only person in the universe…until they disappear. Again.
Perhaps they think you’re amazing, and if they were ever going to commit, it’d be to you and only you. If only they didn’t have this or that going on right now.
Here’s the deal.
If they’re not screaming their love for you from the mountaintops—owning it, out in the open—then, quite frankly…
It’s not enough.
Sure, they might love you. But it’s not good enough for you.
You deserve to be loved, adored, praised, spoiled, and shown off to the world. And if you think you have that part-time, guess what? That’s still not enough. You should not be gaslit, abused, ignored, tolerated, or confused.
You are precious. As is.
Love feels safe. Now. Not at some future time when they “get their s**t together.”
Now.
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