You’re Not a Bitch If You Put Yourself First
The opposite of being a people pleaser is not bitch.
When we start putting ourselves first, it can feel awkward. One common concern is, "If I do what I want, I will come off selfish.” It may feel that way now, but it passes.
Here are four reasons why you should keep showing up for yourself despite how counter-intuitive it feels:
Reason #1: You are not rude. It just feels like you are. You have put others first; that is your natural set point and your "normal." Therefore, it will feel off when you start swinging in the opposite direction. Sometimes we can veer a little too far (bitch vibes), but like a pendulum, you will find your right balance. We have to swing around to find our perfect balance.
Reason #2: The right people will cheer it, and the wrong ones won’t. Some people are very invested in you being an over-giver. You may have been the glue that held everything together. So yes, your presence is very much appreciated (though often not noticed until it's too late). However, the people who have your back will love that you put yourself first. The others will adjust or fall away.
Reason #3: If a certain situation is not something you want to participate in (whatever it may be), it may be someone else’s desired outcome/plan/activity etc…not yours. When challenged in making a decision and unsure if you want to do x,y,z but feel bad or guilty, remember this—Why them and not you? Why should you have to do something you don’t want to do? A funny thing happens when we speak up: we discover that others didn’t even know we were taking one for the team.
Reason #4: Your life, your days, your legacy. We hold back so we don't ruffle feathers or upset someone we think might not like what we want to do. But life is so short that we may regret holding back on that trip, starting that business, chasing that dream, etc., because (fill in the blank person) may not like it. If someone gets upset, they will adjust. If you get accused of being selfish, that is okay. It’s your life to seize, and chances are your "bitch" is still really nice. Perhaps it's not, and that's fine too.
Showing up for yourself is a journey, and all moods are welcome.
We get one life…in this body anyway.